Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Secret Hash-browns

I am stuck on the horns of a dilemma. You know how our family is on a never-ending quest for decent hash-browns, and we go on this quest together, because we love each other, and we all love potatoes? Well, what happens, hypothetically, if one of our members goes to a restaurant that is far too small to accommodate a party of our size, for an on-the-sly breakfast experience without the rest of the club?

I decided that I would solve the dilemma by never writing about it on the blog. I decided that if I loved it, I would keep it to myself anyway, because it really is far too small for anyone new to go there. There isn't even room for the people who already do know about it, so what business have I to inform even the ten people who read this blog that it exists? If it were delicious, I decided, I would keep it to myself. (Which is hard for me, I might add, because I am not called the Flapper for nothing...)

If it sucked, I would also keep it to myself. How could I trash such a small, unassuming, family-owned business? In fact, either way, I could go out, have my quiet little breakfast, and no one would be the wiser. My family would never have to know that I had breakfast with another.

OK, OK, but the thing is, there's the potato quest, which is sort of a higher calling, and the truth is, I had the perfect hash brown, at this quiet, little, overcrowded, family-owned business, while I was out cheating on my family over Sunday breakfast, and all I want to do now is shout it from the rooftops of the world. The perfect potato. Really. Never frozen. Richly browned and crispy, but almost healthy tasting from a lack of greasiness. The only competition for these potatoes comes from Jimmy's kitchen, when whoever is cooking the potatoes tries to keep them in the skillet until even Judy will say they're brown enough.

The rest of the food was only so-so, but who cares? Somebody actually cooked my potatoes until they were crispy. Somebody cared enough to never freeze them, and then dedicate some grill space and time to them. Somebody shaped them nice and flat so the insides wouldn't get soggy, and somebody carried them outside to me, even though I didn't say anything special like, "extra crispy".

So, OK, here's the deal. I don't want you to go there and take up the seats, but I do have the responsibility to tell you that the potatoes are perfect. Just don't tell anybody else, OK?

Colossal Cafe
1839 E. 42nd St.
Minneapolis, MN


Amadeus said...

You two timer!

That's ok, I don't hold it against you,sometimes Rachael and I go on secret breakfasts too.

The perfect potato? Too bad we aren't allowed to go there.

Anonymous said...

Perfectly prepared potatoes have been discovered? I'm not sure how to feel about this. I'm happy that the long journey has come to a happy resolution, but, now the mystery and anticipation is gone! What's to bring lurking blog readers back?

Anonymous said...

We, too are in search of the perfect hashbrowns. We have come close at a few places: and would love to share them with you...but maybe we'll have to then fight for a table on Sunday mornings? Okay. Here it is: The Uptown Bar and Cafe and the Grandview Grille are two top ones so far. Can't wait to try this Colossal Cafe...thanks! Love the blog :)

Anonymous said...

Okay, so after reading this great breakfast club blog we decided to go ahead and try the Colossal Cafe. And it was AH-MAZE-ING. The hashbrowns were indeed wonderful. I had the egg sandwich on a biscuit with nice crispy salty bacon and a folded perfect egg. He had those yeast pancakes that were so filling I don't think he finished good the food was. Only downside, the place is slightly small with barely room to walk and squeeze by heading to the very clean bathroom. But we'd go there again in a heartbeat, because the staff is good and the food rocks.

Anonymous said...

ALL the food rocks!!

Anonymous said...

i live 3 blocks away--ideal for breakfast takeout food. And honestly, this is some of the best breakfast around. The biscuits/scones are homemade and delicious, all the food is prepared the morning before. This food is very good, no need to over-analyze it as some tend to do;)

Anonymous said...

Greetings Flapper....
Without being overly confident in my assumption... but I am willing to bet my left nut that you have never once worked for a restaurant and or a "romantic mom and pop-style ? Am I wrong? I have, since Reagan left office. These type of places would more than likely turn your chai-state of mind! They are dirty, utter lack of space, where cutting boards are placed on garbages to get the job done...Take at the look at your cook... is it passion you see in their eyes or is it contempt for those who eat the perfect #%^^&$&%$^%$ potatoE. Enjoy, Glorified Line Cook Guy.PS Nolite te Bastardes Carborundorum!

Brian C. Hagerty said...

Please fix the address. You have it as being on 42nd AVE; this is wrong. It is on 42nd STREET. (I had one disappointing morning because of this.)

Thanks. Love your blog!

Amadeus said...


Our apologies. Apparently Alex wanted the place to be so secret that NO ONE could find it. The address is fixed. Glad you like the blog!

Alex said...

Well, the Glorified Line Cook gets to keep his left nut, but I don't really understand his point. Am I not to love potatoes, just because the kitchen is small and crowded? If you can't love potatoes, what's the point of getting up in the morning?

Also, the address was an honest mistake, honest. Just ask the Buster's people about how confusing streets and avenues are around here. But I am sorry to ruin your morning, Brian.